Billy's New Number

Tonight's news tells us that the very old and largely forgotten one time punk rocker and far let agitator Billy Bragg is heading towards his long abandoned birthplace in Essex, together with various theatre lovies and assorted anarchists, all intent on convincing the local population of Barking not to vote BNP by the means of performance art and ethnic nose flute recitals.

However, news has just reached me that the crumbly old poser is secretly planning to release a new single in the hope of having a hit in the current century.

A draft of the lyrics were found scribbled on the back of a napkin from London's Mezzo Restaurant (the place to be in 1992) and left in a gents lavatory in Dagenham together with a carton of Lapsang souchong, a heavily thumbed copy of Das Kapital and an expired but unopened packet of condoms.

In the merciful absence of Mr. Bragg to perform himself, you will need to improvise and imagine the following sung by a very aged and rather scuzzy vintage 1978 punk rocker suffering from stomach acid and raging haemorrhoids:

I'm Billy Bragg

I'm Billy Bragg, I'm one of you, don't you all own a mansion?
I'm Billy Bragg I'm one of you 'cept I won't need a a pension
At election time I'm round you way, I'm even drinking shandy
I'm Billy Bragg, I'm one of you, even though I'm friends Wiv' Mandy.

I don't give a toss about your jobs, or who just raped your daughter
I'm Billy Bragg, a Labour Man, supporting Halal slaughter

I'm Billy Bragg I'm one of you, even though I live in Dorset
I'm Billy Bragg I'm one of you, Hey man, I only own three horses
I'm here to tell you who you should and who you shouldn't vote for,
I'm Billy Bragg, I'm one of you, .... 'ere don't touch my new motor!!

The BNP might stop our plans to create a new world order
I'm Billy Bragg, and I plan to scrap this ancient nation's border

I'm Billy Bragg, I'm one of you, despite the sums I'm earnin'
I'm Billy Bragg I'm one of you even if I think you're vermin
I may be a tired old tosser, but I still think I'm cool
I'm Billy Bragg, I'm one of you, Now bring on Sharia rule

I'm here to do Searchlight's bidding, because they are shit scared of you
I'm Billy Bragg, I'm Commie scum, and I'll do what they tell me to

I'm Billy Bragg, I'm one of you, at least that's what I like to boast
I'm Billy Bragg and if I get my way, this country's future's toast
I hate the natives of this land, I hate them wiv' a passion
I am Billy Bragg, but I'm not like you and its your hopes that I'm trashing

Don't vote BNP I say, don't vote them into power
I'm Billy Bragg, and all my hopes and dreams are swiftly going sour

I'm Billy Bragg, I'm one of you, and a has been old punk rocker
I'm Billy Bragg and if you listen to me, you're a has been too you sucker
I'm here to tell the voters what to do, but they don't give a damn
I'm Billy Bragg but no one under 50 knows who the f##k I am!